Post written by nrlymrtl, who normally writes for the scifi/fantasy literature blog Darkcargo.com. Go ahead, say it out loud: Nearly Mortal. Not Gnarly Myrtle.

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I read almost everywhere.

Audiobooks have made it all that much easier to not pay attention to your surroundings, but still look like you are being thoughtful, or at least respectfully quiet. With iPods and fancy phones, you can take Naamah’s Kiss or The Wee Free Men or Summer Knight with you nearly anywhere. I rely mostly on books on audio CD, since I have a pre-MP3 vehicle and a lengthy commute.

There also happens to be a guard check point on said commute, which means I need to turn off the book before passing through the security portal. Do I?

No.

“Prior to building refrigeration, cadavers were kept in the parlors of funeral homes. Sometimes it was feared that the body was merely in a heavy coma-like sleep, and therefore, laid out for a few days. An attendant would patiently sit by within ear shot, as bells were tied upon the extremities. For men, certain endowments have a tendency to engorge in death as they had never done in life. It was of the utmost importance that the attendants choose the proper extremity to attach the bell to,” droned on my Informative Non-Fiction Audiobook in a monotone despite the subject matter.

I had become wrapped up in it and I was at the checkpoint window. When will I learn to turn the book off two cars back!?!

A tattooed and efficient-looking security guard addressed me at that point. “Ma’am, we are conducting a random search of you and your vehicle. Please step out of your vehicle and follow all directions.”

She threw a look at my car’s console and she didn’t look interested in any explanations about how educational or historically accurate my book was. Sigh. Oddly enough, non-fiction books have gotten me and my car searched far more often than science fiction.

We bibliophiles will read practically anywhere, despite any foreseeable minor inconveniences. We’ll read in movie theatres and playhouses despite the dim light and dirty looks of enthralled patrons. We’ll read in bed and the bath, even listening in the shower. Our mealtimes are shared with a good cup of tea and a thrilling mystery. Menial house chores become quality book time. And a good epic fantasy is often my copilot while knitting.

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Alright guys – you heard her! Where is the last place you would read a book, even if it was the best story you’ve ever heard in your life?